7 weeks!

Well, this is farther than I got last time, technically. I learned that I was likely miscarrying the day before 7 weeks last time. Now, I have no confirmation that things are going well, except for the hormones (which sometimes don't mean much). In the last 48hrs, I have yelled at my husband for no reason, cried at a TV commercial for fabric softener, and felt so queasy and tired that I just wanted to curl up in ball and be left alone. I think the morning sickness (let me get back to that term in a moment) has officially set in. I have very strong food aversions - I seriously have to think out, extensively, everything I put in my mouth, otherwise I'll regret it. I barely have an appetite half the time, and when I do, it's voracious. I know I'm not quite eating the way I'm supposed to, but I'm doing the best I can. I already started off my day with a glass of milk. I really wish milk didn't contain tryptophan, because I'm really tired enough as it is :/ Seriously, I am exhausted 24 hours a day. I never feel like I get enough sleep (and I do, unless sleeping for 10 hours a night doesn't qualify as sufficient). Yesterday I took a 2.5 hour nap when I came home from work, and I actually woke up feeling well rested. It was a miracle. And it was short lived. 2 hours later I was ready for bed.

Ok, let me return to the subject of morning sickness. Who invented this term? I doubt it was a woman. The more I research on the topic, the more I learn that ALL-DAY SICKNESS is more appropriate. For me, it gets really bad in the late afternoon/evening hours. I feel so icky/queasy/gross that it's hard for me to imagine eating dinner or doing much of anything except laying around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not close to throwing up, and for that I am EXTREMELY UTTERLY GRATEFUL, but I'm definitely frustrated with the way I feel. But, if it means my baby is growing strong and healthy, I don't mind feeling this way for the next 7 months or so. 11 more days until the ultrasound!

7w

Busting out the saltines

Over the past few days, I've started to feel a bit more "strange" - particularly in the afternoon/evening time. On the way home from work yesterday, I had B pick up some saltines for me. I actually had a snack of saltines and ginger-ale before dinner. As someone who never drinks soda, this was a big deal for me. I'm not all out nauseous by any stretch, but something definitely isn't right. I'm wondering if it's going to stay like this or get worse. I guess time will tell. I haven't thrown up since 1996, and I am terrified of doing so. I'd rather do just about anything but barf. I'm still extremely tired, though if I'm more active and alert in the evening, I find I can stay up a bit later. I'll gladly deal with any symptom if it means the baby is growing properly!

6w5d

Well, I put it off

Well, I finally made the decision. I put off the ultrasound to March 11th. 2 weeks from tomorrow. I'm ok with my decision even though waiting another couple weeks does seem a little torturous. Hopefully, in 2 weeks, we'll see a much bigger looking baby than we'd see tomorrow :)

A few more people know about this pregnancy. We were at dinner the other night with a big group of our friends, and we found out that Joey & Sze are expecting in August. Somehow we missed their announcement in December! So, we told them that their little one should (hopefully) have a friend close in age. Also, Dita's sister saw our congratulations Grandma & Grandpa card at their house so she and her husband now know. So, that's about 1o more people than I'd prefer to know at this point :/ But, far less people than we told last time.

I'm still dealing with the extreme exhaustion. Last night, I struggled to stay awake passed 9pm, but somehow I made it to about 11:30. I woke up at 9 this morning and still feel like I could use a nap. I'm also starting to feel a little bit "weird" in the late afternoon/evening time. I wouldn't call it nauseous per se, but more like an unsettled feeling in my stomach. I actually woke up to pee around 3 or 4am and felt it again. This morning I woke up with a pretty bad headache. It kind of feels like a hangover. Too bad I didn't get to enjoy a night of drinking first!

One week 'til our Florida trip!

6w3d

6 down, 34 to go

I have reached 6 weeks! I know this isn't a major milestone, but it was during this week last time that everything fell apart. I started to have way less symptoms, and I started to wonder if something was wrong. I still have all of my symptoms in place (namely the insane bloat and the fatigue) and I'm just feeling pregnant in general. I went to bed at around 10:30 last night (after struggling for hours to stay awake) and woke up at 9:30 this morning. And, I was still tired. Oh, and did I mention the 4 pieces of pizza I consumed last night for dinner? :/ Not good.

I'm still totally on the fence about this ultrasound on Wednesday. I know I need to make a decision by Tuesday to give them enough time to reschedule me. I guess I'll just have to go with my gut feeling on that day.

In other news, I learned that my cousin is 16 weeks pregnant! She's having her third child, and she has 2 girls, and this one is a boy. My other cousin is about 35 weeks pregnant right now with her second (a girl, the first is a boy) so it's kind of cool that all of these 2nd cousins will be very close in age.

6w

Bloat, exhaustion, and allergies

Well, these are my symptoms. I don't really have any nausea/vomiting to speak of, so I will address my other symptoms. Each night, before I go to bed, I look in the mirror and swear I'm about 6 months pregnant. The bloat is undeniable (and uncomfortable!) but somehow reassures me that good things are going on (or, bad things if you're my digestive track...). I am ready for bed by about 3 or 4pm, and typically struggle to get to 10 or 11pm. I wake up 8 hours later, still tired, and ready for a 1-2hr nap (which I then take). Lastly, the allergies are out of control. I feel like I am sneezing every 10 seconds and blowing my nose nearly as often. I typically don't get bad allergies any time of the year, so I'll assume this is some kind of strange pregnancy symptom.

One more week 'til UD (Ultrasound-Day). I am terrified. I am *almost* thinking of putting it off until I return from Florida. I am totally on the fence. There's a part of me which wants to know, one way or the other. Another part of me wonders why I need to know next week, and waiting another 2 weeks would give me a much better ultrasound (bigger baby, more to see) and a relatively relaxed trip to Florida. Last time, I went for my first ultrasound at the mid 6-week mark, and it wasn't good, and I waited another 2 weeks to return for my follow-up. I had a week long trip to the Outerbanks during that time, and it was difficult not knowing what was going on. I still had *some* optimism left that things could be ok. This time around, if the ultrasound looks like it did last time, I'll pretty much know for sure, and then I'd probably have to cancel my trip, I'd think. So, the *only* good thing about getting one next week would be some reassurance if everything measures on schedule (and a heartbeat is seen). I'm not sure it's worth all the confusion/frustration that would ensue if the ultrasound isn't good. I think I'll make my decision by Monday. I just don't know what to do.

5w4d

Telling people

I've decided, this time around, not to tell anyone until at least April. Last time, I didn't tell anyone but that didn't stop my husband from blabbing to anyone he'd ever met. Un-telling is the worst, so I don't want to have to put myself that through again, god-forbid. I've only told people closest to me, who I'd want to know if something were to go wrong. So far, my mother-in-law, Benjamin & Judith, Blake, my cousin Christina (who's 9 months pregnant with her second!) and Marie (who lives in our basement apartment) know. My dad and Dita will know after today as well. So, 8 people will know, and it will stay that away until at least the NT scan, which is done around 12 weeks. I wish I could shake these nerves. I feel pretty much exactly the same as last time. I don't really want morning sickness, but I'd like something indication of something positive going on.

5w1d

5 weeks

5 down, 35 to go :/

I forgot how slooooow this process is.

On another note, Happy Valentine's Day. Or, Happy ValenTIME's day. I think it's funny when people replace the "n" with an "m." A special congratulations to my dad and his girlfriend-soon-to-be-fiancé, Dita. They're going to get engaged this evening, and they're heading into town right now. My dad is taking her to a Bed & Breakfast, and then to dinner in the city where he's going to present her with a ring. Then, they're going to come over tomorrow and we'll celebrate with them (and tell them our good news as well). I just realized that I was a Valentine's baby as well, since this baby's due date and my own birthday are only about 10 days apart. Pretty cool :)

5w

3rd Betas & residual cough

My 3rd - and FINAL - betas are in, thankfully, because my arms can't take it anymore. My betas are 1058, which is well over 1000, and is perfect! The nurse had me decide over the phone this morning if I wanted to go in for an ultrasound on Feb. 25th or March 11th. I'm going to be in Florida in the middle week, which is actually when she wanted me in. I'm still trying to figure out if I made the right call. The overly optimistic side of me is trying to convince me that all is fine, and that I'll see a beautiful little baby with a beating heart. The negative side is telling me that I'm going to go through exactly the same thing last time - see nothing on an ultrasound, have to wait for 2 weeks (because of a vacation) and then return to see more nothing, and then put an end to it. Going through a miscarriage with your first pregnancy is really hard :(

On another note, I got almost no sleep last night. While I feel a million times better; the fever is gone and I didn't spend the day in bed yesterday, I spent the entire night awake with a hacking cough. This morning, I called my OB's office to ask what I can take. Tylenol w/Codeine. Really!? This baby is really in for it. Between the high fevers, constant Tylenol for 48hrs straight, and a cough that could have dislodged it, now I'm supposed to expose it to Tylenol w/Codeine. Wow. We'll see.

4w5d

On the mend

Well, I finally am starting to feel better. I don't have a fever anymore! I woke up around 5:30 (still with a sore throat) and took my temp and it was 98.4! At midnight it was still 100, so I was really grateful for that. This is also the longest I've gone in 3 days without taking pain meds (it's been 6hrs). I actually feel well enough to go to my OB's office and get my blood drawn again. Nevermind the fact that my arms still look like those of an addict. If my numbers were 165 last Friday, I'm looking for around 1000 today. Of course I'm worried even though my numbers were fantastic for last week. Ok, in my paranoia I just ran to the bathroom and peed on another test. Granted, it was a $1 test, but still :) The line came up immediately and is dark:












By the way, let me give a shout out to Early-pregnancy-tests.com - this website has saved me hundreds of dollars in the recent months. They sell $1 pregnancy and ovulation tests as well as anything else you might need at a greatly reduced price - oh, did I mention the free shipping?

I just realized that it's been a week since I learned that I was pregnant. I have told NO ONE and I am proud of that fact. We will tell a few people this weekend I think (family members), but we really are going to wait until April, provided that everything goes well until then. Fingers crossed!!

4w4d

Still on death's door

Yep, I think I've managed to get worse since yesterday. I sincerely didn't think it was possible. No matter how much Tylenol I take, my temp seems to hover around 100*. Luckily, it's not 102 or anything (which could be very bad for the baby). But, I didn't make it in for another blood draw this morning so my goal is for Thursday. So far so good though - no spotting, or cramping or anything. Although, honestly, it's hard to take that as a good sign, because I literally had no indication that something was wrong last time. I had a true missed miscarriage. I didn't have any morning sickness either, but my hormones were pretty high, so who knows really. I guess I'll take anything that seems different from last time as a good sign. I got a little nauseous this morning, but it's hard to say if that was from being sick or pregnant. Oh well. Hopefully, this pregnancy will last and I can tell the baby how much of a rough start he/she had in utero!

4w3d

Back from AC and sick :(

Good news and bad news. The bad news is, I am sick, complete with fever, chills, muscle aching, coughing, and a bad sore throat. The good news is, I had a blast in AC (until I got sick) and I got my second betas this morning - 165. They more than doubled, so yay for that :) However, my doctor's office (this may be the beginning of many more rants to come - so fair warning for you) tried to freak me out on the phone by telling me the numbers were low. I had to ask if they realized that I wasn't even 4 weeks pregnant when I came in for the second draw. The answer was of course no. I explained that I was very early when I got the betas drawn, and that I was well above average based on every beta chart... no dice. I am supposed to go back in tomorrow for a third draw. I can't believe this. I don't really care too much except that I look like a drug addict with 2 bruised arms. It doesn't hurt to get a 3rd beta done, but I think it's a waste of time. It's 4 days after the last one, which means that the number should be at least 660. There was mention of an early ultrasound though, so that would be ok. I know it'll at least be another week or so before you could see anything at all. Last time, even at nearly 7 weeks, nothing was really seen, so the thought of going in early and not seeing very much is very scary!

4w2d

Betas are in!

Drum roll please....

Beta/HCG: 56
Progesterone: 27.3

The first number doesn't mean *too* much at this point. What really matters is that it doubles by tomorrow morning. Here's hoping my next Beta is 112 or higher! Although, the average number for where I was yesterday is "23" so I'm glad it's higher than that. The progesterone level is awesome, which is what I was concerned about (low prog. can lead to miscarriage) but that's a really good number (the range is around 9-42) but anything over 12 is considering pretty good. So, I can rest easy for today.

The big problem I'm finding is comparing this pregnancy to the last one, and obviously that did not end well. I already have some different symptoms than last time, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I am wayyyy more tired. I mean, like bordering on narcoleptic. I also felt a few waves of nausea today, which I literally didn't feel once the entire last pregnancy. It's amazing to me that I can go from feeling kind of gross/nauseated to downright starving in a matter of seconds. And also, these symptoms are hitting me a lot earlier than I'd expect. I wouldn't classify them as morning sickness just yet, but I feel like it could head in that direction.

In other news, I'm totally psyched for my trip tomorrow. I'm a little worried that I'll fall asleep at the BlackJack table, but other than that, I just can't wait to see my friends and RELAX! :)

3w5d

The rollercoaster ride begins again!

Well, here I am again. Knocked up. I found out much earlier this time, because, well, we were actually trying. For those of you who don't know, I had a miscarriage with my first baby at 10 weeks on 9/24/08. We started trying again in November, and after just 3 months, I'm pregnant again!

Taken at 8am this morning:













I'm nervous, excited, and cautious all at the same time.

This weekend, I'm heading to Atlantic City. I've been planning this trip for months! I get to see two of my oldest and dearest friends, and I'll have to lie to them all weekend! I'll also need to avoid drinking and try to dodge any areas where there's cigarette smoke. Did I mention that my dad is coming down to meet me there on Friday? I hate lying. But, we told *everyone* within the first week last time, and it's just torturous to have to un-tell. I had blood work done this morning, which I'll repeat on Friday exactly 48hours later (and right before I get on the road for AC) so if that goes well, we may tell my dad and B's mom the following week. We have a big trip in early March to Florida (with my dad), which is of course the time where I should be having my first ultrasound. The big question is, do I do it right before my trip, or wait until I get back? Last time, we had the ultrasound one week before our big summer vacation to the Outerbanks, and of course the ultrasound didn't go well, and I was supposed to repeat it a week later (smack dab in the middle of the trip) so we had to wait until we got back. So, instea of having a kick-ass vacation, in the back of my mind, I was wondering if I had a viable baby or not. I still had a nice time, but it was very difficult not to know. I don't think I can go through that again. But, at the same token, how can I wait a whole week to find out? Guess I'll ask what I should do when I go back to my OB's office on Friday.

I don't have many symptoms yet. In fact, that is actually what made me think I *am* pregnant. The past 2 months, I was 99% sure I was pregnant - I was peeing all the time, bloated, hungry, crampy, the whole nine yards. And, obviously I wasn't. This month, nada. So, this morning, on a whim, I just decided to test. I was pretty shocked by the positive result. Haven't seen one of those in a while :) It's a very nice feeling. Of course, even though I've had a prior miscarriage, I'm not out of the woods for another, or even a chemical pregnancy, but I am keeping my fingers crossed, hoping and praying for the best, and trying to remain as relaxed as humanly possible. If all goes well, we'll have a little baby to dress up for Halloween!

3w4d